Cancer is such a big, scary word. It didn't feel like a real thing until it happened to my closest ones.
The first time I heard that my mom was diagnosed with cancer years ago, I couldn't make sense of it, couldn't comprehend how was it possible for her to have something as scary as cancer? Doesn't it only happen to people in books or films? I thought. Thus, to learn to live with it was the only choice we got. It wasn't the easiest years, but we hold on and on and on (with the fear, the anxiety of the worst outcome). We learned acceptance like never before.
Anyway, to be a caregiver means I was all familiar with the anxiety of waiting outside the surgery room, of hearing regular check up reports, whether or not the treatments work on her. But it's not until I went to college that cancer provoked my anxiety at the utmost. Not only did I have to see my mom going through it, the cancer also decided to stay in my cousin's body (she's also my closest, closest cousin). At that moment, I had to face the very thing I was afraid of the most: the worst outcome. It happened fast, cancer took away my cousin's life. As if it wasn't enough, it tried to control my mom's body too. My mom's condition got worse. In a few years, she had lost some of her body organs, hair & most of her teeth in the process of regaining her health.
Now, that is why cancer is always portrayed as something dramatic in fictions.
I am lucky that mom is the toughest of us all, even when she had it the hardest among us. Even though she must've thought of the worst prospect, she always managed to find a way to be optimistic and treat her body like it's so dear to her. In return, life also embraces her. I see for myself what the professors always told me back then in college: about how the mind affects the body. I could see the embodiment of it on my mom.
Cancer is such a big, scary word for sure. The first time I went to a cancer center as a caregiver, mom warned me to brace myself. It could be scary to come across patients with different conditions that you could expect from one of the world's deadliest illness. In the contrary when I entered the hospital, I didn't find it scary at all. Strangely, there's this feeling of relief at the sight of many people experiencing the same thing as mom. So we're not alone in this. To see these patients fight hard for their life fascinated me. I could feel the desire to live spread all over the room it was kinda evoking. And to see the caregivers tend to the patients so dearly, to see how people care for each other, to witness the human compassion of it all, it warmed my heart.
Her visits to the cancer hospital had result in her joining a cancer survivor community, where the members support each other, educate others about cancers. That's what's so great about humans: it's that deep down we care for each other and strive to connect and support each other.
If there's anything we could gain from this, is that we've learned to feel grateful for even the smallest thing. There's always a blessing, in ways that we know of and ways that we aren't aware of.
1. My Liberation Notes
About: Three siblings, exhausted by the monotony of day to day adulthood, seek to find fulfillment and freedom from their unremarkable lives
Among my top tier k-dramas of all time, for sure. I won't even have to describe much about the amazing casts & their performances (top notch, they are). And no one did it like My Liberation Notes did. The way it portrays the art of adulthood--their mundane lives, the loneliness of it all, the longing for freedom, etc. Every character has something to relate to, and that's why i'm so immersed in their story.
I don't care that it's slow paced, I don't even mind that there are many quiet scenes with no dialogues. Rather, I find it so refreshing to watch how much the silence speaks and how inner monologues could deliver deeper meanings to the stories. To say I love this show is an understatement, actually.
2. Extraordinary Attorney Woo
About: Woo Young Woo, a woman on the spectrum that tackles challenges as a newbie at a top law firm
This show is popular for a reason. It has everything you could ask for in a kdrama: feel good vibes, heartwarming stories, heart-fluttering love, found family, and interesting characters (with brilliant acting). Although we couldn't expect Woo Young Woo to be representative for all people with autism (since autism is considered as a spectrum), but I love the way her portrayal in this show was educative while also really fun to watch 🤍
3. Alchemy of Souls
About: A powerful sorceress in a blind woman's body encounters a man from a prestigious family, who wants her help to change his destiny.
Love, love the world building of this one! Also, the gripping love stories that took "I'll love every version of you" seriously 🥺. It was captivating how observant every characters in this show were & the way they unfold the stories. Even the action scenes portrayed like an art. Therefore, even though it has many episodes with long duration, I wasn't bored at all.
4. Prison Playbook
About: a legendary Korean baseball player whose life change after he chases a man who harasses his sister and finds himself spending a year in prison.
This one's not released in 2022, I know! But I decided to watch this drama around this year which happened to be my fav drama I've watched in 2022.
I could finally understand why people enjoy this drama so much. This is such a gem for a slice of life genre! From the director of Hospital Playlist & Reply series, you could expect some heartwarming feels coming from every characters' background stories. Despite the serious & harsh life we could thought of from prison life, this kdrama have many comical scenes, a series of roommates bickering, & such a moving found family. I wish the director would make more of these 🥺🤍
5. Twenty Five Twenty One
About: In a time where dreams seem out of reach, a teen fencer pursues her ambitions and meets a hardworking young man who seeks to rebuilds his life.
Couldn't express how much it's comforting to watch the two main characters build connection in the pursuit of happiness. The fact that these two people share different perspectives in life (one was hopeful & optimistic, while the other one was realistic) was its charm. Not to mention the growing bond of the friendship between them and their friends. Together, they make every scene seemed refreshing and entertaining to watch. It was truly an uplifting youth show that brightened last year's atmosphere ✨
6. 20th Century Girl
About: A teen girl has her eyes set on a boy for her lovesick best friend. However, things become complicated when she falls in love and is forced to choose between love and friendship
A heartening youth stories that every fan of 2521 should watch! Again, the plot seemed cliche but it still managed to enthralled you with sweet & fun interactions between the main characters, their growing romance, and what comes for them in the future. It was a rollercoaster of emotion but I really enjoyed it to end <3
7. Business Proposal
About: Hari, a regular employee, shows up to a blind date in disguise of her rich friend to scare him away. Things go awry when he turns out to be her CEO and makes a proposal.
Normally, a kdrama with a cliche plot and some cringe lines wasn't my piece of cake. But Business Proposal is something else I guess. It managed to make even the cliche plot entertaining to watch, still. I didn't expect that I'd laugh this much while watching this show, but I did. Their actings were so fun to watch and it's such a light kdrama that i enjoyed to watch.
8. Little Women
About: Three sisters become embroiled in a major incident and face off against the wealthiest family in the nation
The fact that two of my fave actresses (Nam jihyun & Kim goeun) casted in one kdrama was such a dream!! It's a women centric kdrama i could say, from the way the main characters, writer, & director are all women <3. I love that it has such morally grey characters and a story that's full of intriguing misteries. It kept me on the edge of my seat.
On: The Good Place
Rewatching The Good Place and am amazed all over again because this show is just so good at nudging social issues but also funny at the same time. And the brilliant plot where characters find themselves in the afterlife which they thought were heaven-like?? I gotta love how people with very contrasting personalities bond together through that experience. Each embracing their flaws, making an effort to get better every day. Resulting not only satisfying characters' development, but also providing us with such a fun dynamic I never knew I needed to see. After all, I'm a huge sucker for found family trope. Not to mention the many commentary & the catchy lines this show has to offer. I just love it so much ugh.
On: This is Us
This is Us is so great because it almost always manage to make me wet my eyes at the last 10 mins each eps. It's weird because when I'm not watching it, I don't really eager/look forward to watch the next eps. But when I do, I always have the best moment/a good watching experience.
This is Us is great because they portray a heartwarming family situation. You can't expect anyone to be a saint. Well, maybe except Jake, the dad. Since the story has been revolved around his family mourning over him for the past 2 decades and how his absence changed the whole family members. Everyone in the family is portrayed realistically. They have the things they're good at, their best and worst, sibling rivalry, mother and children's dynamic, and all. But in the end, in every conflict, they always find a way to reflect to themselves about what they did wrong, realizing the consequences and find a way to communicate it with each other. It's a good and healthy family right there. They care, they protect, they see the best in each other. It's warming to see.
On: Anne with an E
For starter, Anne left such a strong impression on me. She's so expressive, and she uses big words in each sentence (it's a good thing that I fancy words). But it's her dynamic with the people around her, how she moves forward, and the the beautiful cinematography that hooked me right away. Every episode is so meaningful to me but especially I truly respect and in awe the way this show brought up issues such as racism issue towards coloured people, a woman in the 19th century with her revolution spark, I respect them for bringing up Indian residential school, and even issues regarding woman's right! Shame on you, netflix. This show deserves more season.
Amidst all the crazy things happen in the world in 2020, I'm happy to have found another comfort show to feed us with some warm-positive feelings. Hospital Playlist is a k-drama that portrays the daily lives of people in Yulje hospital. The plot's simple, but every scene is very engaging in a way that every character have their own interesting or meaningful stories to tell. On top of that, the friendship of the 99ers doctors never failed to warms my heart and makes me nostalgic to lovely memories that don't actually exist. It always intrigued me that they all have different personalities but always stick to each other nevertheless. Throughout the show, they showed us how meaningful life can be when we have friends by our sides and how they can inspire others in their own ways.
1. Chae Song Hwa
Chae Song Hwa is a neurosurgeon at Yulje Medical Center. She is portrayed as a smart and beautiful woman who is adored by many. As a doctor, Song Hwa is very much respected by her juniors and patients. According to one of her patients, she is a reputable doctor among them. It's without doubt to say that she cares about her patients deeply. Practically, she lives in the hospital & dedicating her life to take care of them. As busy as she is, she manages to do all kind of jobs as a doctor, yet still finds the time to enjoy her lives. Besides playing in a band with her besties, she finds enjoyment in camping alone in quiet nature--something she likes to do on her weekend.
When it comes to medical decisions, she always tries to make sure her juniors know what they’re doing to the patients & make sure they choose their decisions carefully. Not only reliable as a doctor, outside of medical settings her juniors also seek her advice regarding personal matters. Her composed and intelligent persona makes other people listen to her & trust her opinions. Of all his friends, it's Song Hwa whom Jeong Won trusted his "daddy long legs" legacy with. It's Song Hwa's opinions which are always considered seriously by Seok Hyeong when other opinions don’t sway him. It's being friends with Song Hwa which influences Jun Wan to become a more mature guy. It's Song Hwa whom a social person like Ik Jun admires and trusts his son with.
Though it's fair to say that she's the emotional pillar of the 99ers' squad, she rarely relies on others' opinions to make a decision. She prefers to make a decision by herself & won't tell her closest ones about it until she's about to execute her plans, just like that time when she decides to move to Sokcho to take care of her health or when she did cancer screening.
For someone like Song Hwa, everything seems possible to control except for her food craving. When it comes to food, she & Jun Wan have such a talent to finish a large amount of food in a fast speed. Together, they are known as the fantastic duo eaters. According to Song Hwa, this behavior stems from her past where her three brothers used to finish foods in a short time and left her only the bones.
2. Lee Ik Jun
One of Ik Jun's defining characteristic is his cheerful personality, which for his best friends, "cheerful" is just another way of saying he’s crazy. He appears to be the most easy-going person among the squad. He treats everyone as if they're close friends, willing to listen to their stories even if it takes his time. He is also good at keeping secrets, although according to Jun Wan he likes to tease people with that secrets you share with him. He likes to wander everywhere, talking to everyone & helping them if he can. He, for instance, helps cover a job of a friend in the hospital's cafeteria, he takes care of a dead patient's son so his mother can take her time grieving for his husband, he helps Jang Gyeo-Ul’s relationship with Jeong Won, et cetera. Although he seems to be a sociable person, according to Jeong Won, he doesn't seem to be the person who's easy to figure out.
Ik Jun is good at everything he does, it makes him lack inferiority complex. You name it: he's a skillful HPB doctor, back when he was a student, he always gets the best grade even when it doesn't seem like he spent his time studying, moreover, he can actually sing & play guitar, he also has good social skills & is a good listener. But having these qualities doesn't turn him into a self-absorbed person. Instead, he tends to put others' feelings before his, such as that time he canceled his plan to see Seong Hwa to be there for Seok Hyeong who was just turned down by her. When his ex wife divorces him, he doesn’t hold grudges even when he may have reasons to. His positive outlook towards life helps him handle things in a calm attitude. At times, this quality also impacts his patients positively, encouraging them to hold on to hopes and keep on living.
Ik Jun used to live the life of a party, but not anymore since he has U-Ju as his son & becomes a single parent. Now, his son has become the center of his life.
3. Ahn Jeong Won
Jeong Won, also called Andrea, is a Pediatric Surgeon who deeply adores & loves children. He's not aware of it, but his patients' condition has a lot of impacts on his mood & behavior. For someone like Jeong Won, real happiness is felt when he sees others feeling happy. Indeed, he has a delicate heart, making him sensitive toward others' feelings. He's the kind of person who would notice the slightest difference in your behavior then ask if you have a problem.
As a member of a conglomerate family, his friends find it weird that he often runs out of money & isn't interested in wealth or taking a higher job position. Rather, he uses his wealth privilege for the patients who need funding help. Having a kind & warm personality makes people call him "Buddha", even when he's a Catholic and dreamed of becoming a pastor. But, of course we can't expect someone to always be a saint. He's told to be warm to everybody but his close friends. He holds grudges & remembers little things his friends did in the past that upset him. He's also really thorough, likes things to be super clean. It makes Song Hwa suggest that he sees a psychiatrist. He's also a doctor who smokes cigarette (taught by his mom).
Among his friends, he’s the last person who would appear dating someone. He's strong-willed about what he wants that nothing appeals to him other than his dream of becoming a pastor. He’s been focusing on that dream until Jang Gyeo-Ul, someone who clashes Jeong Won's warm personality with her cold personality, enters his life, redirecting his thoughts. Their encounters make us see the other side of Jeong Won. Although he has warm traits, he acts cold towards a woman who shows interest to him; whereas with a cold personality like hers, Gyeo-Ul never hesitates to express her feelings.
4. Kim Jun Wan
Jun Wan is a competent cardiothoracic surgeon. He begins the drama as a severe man who scolds his juniors every time they fail to treat their patients carefully. He's annoyed when others are being nosy. But underneath his not-so-friendly attitudes towards his juniors or even patients, Jun Wan is a generous, caring, & somewhat anxious guy. He buys meal for the medical students; he rarely say kind words to his junior, but he always gives appreciation if his junior does well, as well as willing to do anything he can to help him (e.g. being the chief of department to help Jae Hak); he won’t give up rescuing his patients' lives even if the chances are small. To conclude, he does have affections towards others, but rarely convey his feelings explicitly.
Jun Wan always handles things in a composed manner, but there are times when he can't help but feel anxious about something, mostly about Ik Sun. For Jun Wan, Ik sun is the embodiment of someone he longs for. All this time, it's a rare case that he lasts long with a girlfriend. Therefore, he's willing to hold on to her that it makes him anxious at the thought of losing her. Even so, he remains to act calm & hides what he currently feels.
5. Yang Seok Hyeong
Unlike Ik Jun, social interaction isn't Seok Hyeong's forte. He likes to be alone, prefers text messages over phone calls & tries to avoid social situations when he can. This makes some people have a hard time interpreting his intention, assuming he doesn't care about other people. On the contrary, he's a deeply understanding & caring person, it's just that he tends to show his caring gesture through his actions more than his voice. The complexity of his personality makes him appear as interesting for some, including Chu Min-A.
As a gynecologist doctor, he always treats his patients with a warm attitude that they are willing to get in line to have a consultation with him. And although he finds pleasure in being alone, he cherishes his moment together with his best friends. In fact, he’s the one who initiates the idea to his besties to spend every weekend together by playing music. For him, his friends are a source of comfort & a place where he can share anything with. There aren't many people out there who can serve that roles, let alone his broken family.
Just like Jeong Won, he's a son of a conglomerate father but refuses to live from his wealth or take over his position. He hates his father for ruining his family, yet he never let anger overtake him. He'd rather avoid conflicts than confront it. If anything, he tends to believe everything is his fault, just like how he feels sorry for his ex wife. This family problem has led him to grow really fond of his mom & spoil her with affection much more than before.
Aku akan pergi lagi. Aku pergi selagi bisa. Mumpung tak ada yang mencegahku, aku pergi.
"Jam berapa?" tanyanya dari sudut ruangan, mengamatiku berkemas.
"Apa?"
"Jam berapa kamu pergi?" Dia memperbaiki kalimat tanyanya.
"Oh," sahutku. "Jam 2. Mungkin."
Hening. Aku masih merapikan barang-barangku. Dapat kurasakan matanya mengamati gerak-gerikku--mata yang penuh pertanyaan. Namun dia cukup pengertian untuk tak banyak bertanya padaku. Mungkin karena itu aku suka dia, karena dia penasaran namun tetap pandai menahan diri.
Tak lama kemudian, kudengar suara telepon rumah berdering. Dia berjalan menghampiri arah suara dan mulai berbincang dengan penelepon.
"Dia? Ada. Sebentar." Dia memanggilku. "Ada telepon buat kamu."
Aku menempelkan gagang telepon di telingaku.
Suara di seberang telepon menyapaku.
"Kok nggak bales chat?"
"Oh kamu chat? Aku belum buka. Bentar ya, aku buka." Aku meraih telepon genggamku dan membuka chat dari dia. Sebaiknya ini penting hingga ia meneleponku. Aku membaca....
"Gimana?" Tanyanya. "Kamu bisa nggak?"
"Hari ini?" Tanyaku, agak terkejut meski seharusnya aku sudah terbiasa dengannya yang sering membuat rencana mendadak.
"Iya, bisa nggak? Bisa please."
"Aku..nggak bisa."
"Kenapa?"
"Aku... hari ini aku pergi."
"Pergi ke mana tuh?"
"Ke suatu tempat pokoknya hehe."
"Gimana kalau sabtu?"
"Sabtu aku juga nggak bisa"
"Minggu?"
"Aku nggak bisa.."
"Ih sombong banget." Dia berkata dengan nada kecewa. "Sekarang kamu jadi susah diajak ketemu."
Aku diam karena dia benar.
"Yaudah ya, aku tutup." Kata dia lagi setelah tak mendengar respons apapun dariku. "Makasih udah angkat telepon."
"Maaf ya," kataku, tapi dia sudah terlanjur menutup teleponnya.
Aku kembali berkemas. Tentunya dengan perasaan sedih karena sudah mengecewakan orang lain. Kurasa terlalu banyak yang mengecewakanku dan yang kecewa padaku. Akankah siklus ini berhenti?
Dia datang dari arah dapur, membawa segelas air lemon. Sepertinya airnya hangat. Dia mengulurkannya padaku. "Kamu masih batuk kan?"
"Iya.." tiba-tiba aku ingin meneteskan air mata. Mengapa aku terharu pada kebaikan yang sederhana? "Makasih loh."
Lalu kuteguk air itu.
"Kamu...bakal balik lagi?" Tanyanya, terdengar hati-hati. Aku duduk di sebelahnya. Aku duduk, seperti ingin merasakan kehadirannya lebih lama.
"Apa boleh kalo aku nggak balik lagi?"
Dia diam.
"Nggak balik lagi.. berarti kamu kabur?"
"Apa aku nggak boleh kabur?"
Dia diam, seperti tidak ingin menanggapiku. Tapi semenit kemudian bersuara lagi. "Terserah" katanya. "Tapi aku..agak keberatan."
"Kamu?" Aku bingung. Kenapa orang keberatan aku pergi padahal sejauh ini aku tidak sepenuhnya hadir? Aneh.
"Kenapa kayak kaget gitu?" Dia mulai menoleh padaku sejak sedaritadi menatap tanah. "We miss you, you know."
"I'm sorry," me too. I miss me too.
Aku pun bangkit. Aku mengoleskan sunscreen ke wajah dan tanganku senan di luar matahari sedang terik sekali. Namun aku tidak sabar untuk keluar. Kukenakan tasku. Kemudian aku menepuk bahunya pelan. "Aku pamit, ya?"
Matanya menatapku lekat-lekat, seolah menahanku pergi. "Oke." Katanya, membetulkan resleting tasku yang agak terbuka. "Hati-hati."
"Iya," aku melangkah keluar pintu.
"Kalau bisa balik, balik.."
"Iya." Kataku lagi. "Kalau nggak?"
"Aku tunggu."
Aku tersenyum. Dia menatap ke kejauhan. "Udah sana"
"Iya, dadah"
"Dadah, hati-hati"
"Iya"
Pukul tujuh ada sebuah paket di
pintu. Baru saja sepotong malam dikirimkan kepadaku. Kurangkul benda itu ke
ruang tamu. Kemudian aku membukanya pelan-pelan, benda itu, yang tidak tertutup
rapat. Banyak sayap-sayap rapuh yang terjatuh bagai remah-remah roti tawar.
Tiada bintang yang bersinar. Tiada cahaya berpendar. Sungguh
gelap.
Kutatap
benda itu sepanjang malam. Malam yang temaram. Dingin dan panjang. Kulihat ada sesosok anak kecil dalam sepotong malam itu, meringkuk dan berekspresi muram. Di
sisi-sisinya hanya ada lilin-lilin kecil dan seonggok permohonan yang
terus ia lontarkan. Ia hanya sendiri, ditemani lilin-lilin yang bersinar redup. Seperti sinar bulan yang bersinar dengan sayu. Bulan
itu menggantung di atas langit, langit kelam dalam sepotong malam itu.
Malam
itu dingin, tubuh anak kecil itu mulai kaku. Kedua matanya melekuk tanda
mengantuk. Dan ia terlihat kehausan. Ia menatap bulan lekat-lekat, sama
sepertiku, seolah sedang mengisap cahayanya.
Hanya
ada aku, sesosok anak kecil, dan sepotong malam itu. Sepotong malam yang gelap.
Dan kalap. Kegelapan itu pun perlahan mulai merembes ke seluruh lantai ruang tamu,
berusaha melahapku. Lalu pikiranku beku. Anak kecil itu, kulihat, berusaha
menyelamatkanku. Ia tak membiarkan sedikit pun kegelapan itu menyentuhku.
Jantungku dengan cepat beriak, aku berteriak. Anak kecil itu membelah waktu,
menyelamatkanku, kemudian kembali memahatnya menjadi satu. Napasku pun melunak
Ia mengangkat
kepalanya, mencari mataku. “Tidak apa-apa.” Ucapnya.
“Tidur saja. Sebentar lagi malam akan tenggelam."
Ia merapikan
kakiku yang tadi melangkah gontai ke kasur. “Tenggelam? Tapi aku saja belum…”
“Biar aku saja,”
katanya, langkahnya kecil namun cepat. Sepotong malam itu ia lipat, dan ia
buang entah ke mana. Mataku tak mengikutinya. Tapi kudengar kran air di dapur
menyala dengan deras dan dengan bersusah payah.
Ketika dirinya
yang setinggi satu pertiga pintu itu kembali ke kamarku, langsung saja kuucapkan
terima kasihku. Tetapi dia menolaknya. “Aku yang berterima kasih.”
“Kamu?”
“Iya, aku.”
Kulihat ia
merekatkan kembali sayap-sayap rapuh dan berwarna keruh ke punggungnya. Sudah
banyak yang berlubang, sudah banyak yang hilang. Namun matanya kini memancarkan
sinar yang tenang, sinar yang terang. Ia pun berjalan menuju pintu jendela.
Menoleh dan mengarahkan senyumnya ke arahku.
“Terima kasih. Sekarang
aku bebas.”
It was the second day of June, 2014, the day of 1D's On the Road Again Tour's online ticket selling in Indonesia. I was so excited since it was their first ever concert in my country (!!). I knew I would regret it if I didn't buy the ticket. I have waited four years to see them in real life. The thing is, I have a midterm test on the same day of their ticket selling. I have spent years being in the fandom to know that their tickets sold out fast, that's why I was so worried I wouldn't get the ticket. Not wanting that to happen, I asked my dad/brother a favor to buy it for me since I had to go to school. I wasn't the only one that does that, another friend of mine at school (Azka) also did the same. We were such a dedicated directioners back then. We spent the day at school being worried about not getting the ticket. Fortunately, we get them, B Festival tickets! The one nearest to the stage. I couldn't be more happier.
I have to wait for another year to actually use the ticket. On March 2015, two days before their concert, I went to Hall A Senayan Jakarta to change my ticket into a bracelet. It was a gold bracelet made of a fabric that somehow felt itchy on my skin.. It was already so crowded once I arrived in Hall A. Besides the fans, there were so many unofficial 1D merchandise sellers around the building. Since it was too crowded, I have to stand in queue for two hours until I get the bracellet. I went there with my mom, and she sat outside of the building waiting for me with the others. My mom sat next to another mom of a directioner. She told my mom that she had to actually borrow some money from her neighbor so that she could buy the ticket for her daughter...:( Oh, and we had unfortunate news too, that Zayn couldn't make it to the concert in Jakarta :( it was such a huge sad news for us, especially knowing zayn was the bias of many directioners.
On the day of the concert, I checked the twitter to know the situation at GBK stadium Jakarta, the place where the concert was held. I was shocked to find that people already waited in line for the stadium gate to open since 4.30 am (the concert was held at approx. 7 pm, btw). The day was so cloudy, I felt so certain that the rain would fall by the time the concert started. At 12 pm, I could hear the sound of thunder. It was a bit louder than usual, that even the drummer of 1D band tweeted it was "the loudest thunder he's ever heard".
As I arrived in GBK, I searched for Azka in the crowd. She waited for me with the other three friends that went to our school, so that makes us a group of five. It was still 2 pm, and we were standing outside of the stadium, waiting for the gate to be opened. Little did we know, us fans ended up standing outside of the GBK stadium from the afternoon until the evening. Imagine how tired our legs were. From what I remember, the line was heavily crowded that it was impossible to spare a room to take a sit. Therefore we were already worn out even before the concert started. The longer we waited outside, the more sensitive we were. The fans started to yell at each other "move forward!" so that they could get as near as possible to the stadium gate. The others yelled back "don't push me!!". It was so intense. I was so sure we would fight each other at some point. But thank god that didn't happen. Instead, we broke the intense atmosphere afterwards by singing 1D's songs together. Some of us even recited Al-fatihah (surah in quran, since most of us are moslems) together to gain some patiences😂. That really brought us closer emotionally. It was such an unforgettable memory.
To be clear, we weren't supposed to wait for the gate to open that long. Some of us who have run out of patience yelled to the concert organizer "Open the gate now!" and then the rest of us followed "Yeah! It's about the time!" "Damn, what took you so long?". Other times, we (the fans who stood in the middle and in the back of the crowd) heard the fans from the front row screaming. I don't know who spread the news, but I heard the fans in the front saw a glimpse of the boys (1d members). The news quickly followed by excited fans' screams, but stopped immediately when some of the realistic fans said "that wasn't the boys. That must be the mas-mas (Indonesian words for men) from the concert organizer".
To add to the crowd, there were sellers of beverages, light sticks, and rain coats around the fans. We were told not to bring any beverages from home, so we had no other choice than to buy it from them since we have to stay as hydrated as possible. I bought the light sticks too, Rp5.000 for two. Funny how one of my friend bought them too for Rp100.000 at the Hall A two days ago. The discrepancy of the price was no joke. One time I heard some fans bought a raincoat for Rp35.000, but I knew some others bought it for Rp10.000.
Long story short, they finally opened the gate after hours of waiting outside. We immediately ran towards the gate like crazy, ignoring some fans who shouted "don't run!". We had no other choice than to hurried to the place nearest to the stage since the rest of us did so. I could feel the trashes and mud on my shoes as I ran (some stupid fans throw trashes on the ground). We ran like crazy, ignoring the rain on our bodies. Luckily, we already wore our rain coats.
Just because we were already inside the stadium, doesn't mean the show would immediately started. We have to, once again, rely on our feet since we didn't have the space to sit. It was still better to wait inside since they entertained us by showing music mv of 5SOS, Little Mix, and Olly Murs. By the time the concert officially began with an appearance by an Indonesian DJ, I couldn't feel my legs anymore. It was already 7 pm, and I remembered I've been standing on my feet since 2 pm. The last time I ate something? 12 pm. The last time I drink water? 2 pm. My emotional support was seeing other fans (who were supposed to be as tired as me) being so excited and danced to the music played by the DJ. Azka kept asking us "are you guys still alright?" even though I knew for certain that she's also exhausted. She suggested us to sit at the back of the crowd if we couldn't hold it any longer. I was so tempted at her suggestion, because there was a looot of space behind the crowd. But I said I could still make it til the boys came. Azka nodded, "Alright then. When the boys are here, I'm sure we wouldn't even remember that we were tired", and that gave me strength. One of us, Arisa, suggested that we make some kind of baricade so that one of us could take turns to take a sit, and so we did. The ones who were standing helped create a current of air so the one who was sitting could still get the oxygen. It was an intense experience, but touching in a way. One time, we even share one handkerchief for our sweats, we didn't care anymore 😅. I couldn't even tell whether my body was wet with the rain or the sweats. Around 7.30 pm, a directioner near us asked the crowd with her loud voice, "who wants water?". She was holding a half-empty water bottle and we quickly took her offer. What an angel! Azka took it and excitedly shouted, "Are you serious?! We couldn't be more thankful!!". The five of us took turns drinking. The water tasted different, like it was a gift sent from above because I was so thirsty.
I couldn't remember what time was it, but the boys appeared on stage at last. They apologized that they made us waited so long. "It's ok" I answered. I wanted to be angry at them for being late, but how could I when my emotions instantly in a happy state as soon as they appeared? I was so happy as I could be. Azka was right, all the weariness I felt before was instantly gone right at that moment. I stared at them at disbelief. Is this real? I see them for real?! Niall is here? Oh and he looks so good irl. And Harry is an actual person? He's so cute with his long hair. Louis... he seems like an even kinder person in real life. And Liam.. what an angel. He's so sweet and charming. I was torn between recording video of them or jump and sing along with the crowd. They said that Indonesia is the loudest, hehe, I knew their tricks. They knew how to make us happy (and it worked). Besides me was a fanboy who was so excited he jumped and sang out loud to every songs. Seeing him made me even more excited than before, lol.
After a few songs, the lights were suddenly out. But I knew that wasn't the end. Together, we shouted "We want more! We want more!" and then...tada! There they were again, singing other songs. It wasn't until they sang best song ever that marked the end of the concert. They waved at us, thanking us for everything, and kept waving at us until they were out of the stage. We were as happy as we could be, and we were just as sad when the concert finished. Please, this shouldn't be the end. But they looked happy during the concert, so it was all worth it. Only I felt like there was something missing. I felt like they weren't as excited as they were at other concerts (from what I saw at other directioners' documentation). But I was already so happy just by seeing them. The concert was officially ended with fireworks. Beautiful fireworks. I couldn't believe it really was over. I wish they came back for another concert. And with Zayn too...
On my way home from the GBK, I opened my fangirl twitter acc (as you expected from a fangirl...). I wanna share what an amazing concert that was and it was one of the best night ever. Tweet sent! I proceeded by scrolling the timeline only to be choked by a shocking news that zayn left 1d. I was like: "WHAT? ZAYN LEFT 1D?! ARE YOU KIDDING?! I JUST WENT TO THEIR CONCERT! DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY BEST NIGHT EVER?! IS THIS FOR REAL? WHY ZAYN? WHY?". I experienced a variety of emotions. It was so confusing that I even shed a tear lol :(. Less than an hour ago, I felt the most happy as I could be. And then I was hit with this terrible news. I was so disappointed that he left, and he announced it only with a facebook post. What hurt me more was I didn't even see it coming. And back at the concert, the boys looked okay and didn't tell us anything. I'm sure they were just being considerate to us fans and didn't want to ruin the night. It felt so messed up, I felt so happy to finally see the boys, but I felt so upset that I couldn't see them on stage with zayn anymore..
Days after zayn left the band, the kids at school asked me how I feel about the news (since it's not a secret that I was a directioner and I just went to their concert). As a fan, of course I was not okay. There was this one boy who even made a joke about it by singing Fireproof to my ear and joked, "you know, they shouldn't make a new album called Four. The title eventually came true now that there's only four members in the band". Sigh. I couldn't even escape from the news. Everywhere I go, there were people talking about it. I saw it on tv and social media. There's just no escape. It was a torture, seeing the news.
So that was it. That was the past that I couldn't forget. As a fan of years, it wasn't easy to take the news, but I already made peace with the fact that things wouldn't be the same anymore. I think it was for the best. I would support all the members if they debuted as soloists if they do. Nevertheless, it was fun being a one direction fan. I got to make friends and have exciting experiences ever.
Awalnya, gua lagi baca2 majalah di toko buku. Gua ngeliat ada lirik lagu One Direction-What Makes You Beautiful. Kayaknya mereka lagi booming banget deh pas itu, lalu gua kepoin mereka di majalah, terus gua ngebaca lirik lagunya, dan liriknya bikin seneng wkwk.
Sampe rumah gua langsung ngedownload lagunya, dan ternyata enak bangett, suara mereka juga bagus. Gua dengerin lagu itu terus setiap hari sampe jadi addicted.
Pas gua lagi jalan-jalan sama temen sd, yaa semacam reunian gitulah, tapi cuma bertujuh hehee. Pas kami lagi ke toko buku, salah satu temen gua, Maera, yang lagi di bagian majalah2, hebring sendiri. Agak menyeramkan sih... tapi akhirnya gua deketin dia karena penasaran, "Ada apaan sih, Mer?"
Pandangan dia masih di majalah ketika menjawab, "Ini, Suh, iniii!!" Gua ngeliat ke majalah yang ditunjuk Maera. One Direction. "Gua lagi nyari majalah yang ada one directionnya" kata dia lagi.
"Oh, One Direction?"
Dia ngeliatin gua dengan tampang serius, "LU TAU ONE DIRECTION?"
"Iyalah Meer" kan mereka lagi booming banget waktu itu
"Kirain gua lu nggak tau, gila, ganteng2 semua ya suh"
"Iya mereka ganteng." gua setuju dan langsung menggila bareng dia tentang kegantengan personil-personil 1D. Gua langsung minta lagu One Thing, Tell Me A Lie, Up All Night dan Everything About You. Ternyata emang enak2 semua. Maera tambah galau saat ngeliat harga majalah yang ada One d nya. 72 ribu, gila.
Sampai rumah, di bbm gua sama Maera tuker2an foto One Direction. Karena gua baru suka, belum jadi fans. Gua sadar mesti nyari tau banyak tentang One Direction supaya obrolan dengan Maera bisa gua ngerti, wkwk. Dan setelah tau banyak dan nyimpen2 foto2 One Direction dari tumblr, gua langsung suka bangettt. Lama2 jadi ngefans beneran.
Tanggal 19 februari 2012, gua diajak Maera ke acara WLoves1D nya majalah kaWanku. Kayak launching album Up All Night nya One Direction tanpa One direction nya, sedih yah. Gua diajak karena lagi galau karena tadinya pengen nonton konsernya Greyson tapi nggak jadi. Kata Maera "Yaudah, Suh, temenin gua aja ke WLoves1D" dan akhirnya gua terima ajakan dia.
Kami sampe di Comic Cafe, Epicentrum Walk, Jakarta jam 14.30, sedangkan acaranya jam 16.00. Jadi mesti nunggu 1,5 jam lagi sampe acara dimulai.
Comic Cafe masih sepi. Cuma ada mas2 jagain pintu Comic Cafe dengan meja registrasi di depannya. Daaaaaan, ada real life standing character nya One Direction. Gua sama Maera langsung hebring. Ini baru Standing Characternya, tapi ngerasa kayak ada mereka benerannya. Kami keliling2 Epiwalk sambil nungguin jam 4. Maera sibuk bbm-an. Katanya, dia bbm-an sama Ratna & Kak Divana, mereka juga mau ke acara itu. Tapi Maera juga nggak pernah ketemu sama mereka, nah lho.& Kalo Ratna, kelas 8 juga (waktu itu kami berdua kelas 8). Maera kenal dari semacam group directioners gitu di bbm, kalo kak Divana, dia udah SMA, dan Maera kenal dia dari twitter udah lama.
Jam tigaan, mamanya Maera nyuruh kita ke Comic Cafe, siapa tau udah boleh masuk. Lagian kan yang lain pada bayar lewat transfer uang, kalo gua sama Maera belum bayar. Tapi pas nyampe depan Comic Cafe ternyata belum dibuka. Hufft. Kata mas-masnya, sebentar lagi orang2 dari kawankunya dateng. Gua sama Maera nungguin. Terus tiba2 ada mbak2 ngedatengin kita berdua, cantik dan berambut panjang. Dia senyum2 terus nggak berenti2, "Directioners, ya?" tanyanya. "E..eh, iya.." kata kami kaget tiba2 ditanya. Kirain dia dari kawanku, tapi kemudian dia nunjuk ke iPhone nya, "Kamu tau twitter ini nggak?" tanyanya, gua juga lupa nama akun twitternya apa. Kayaknya kalo nggak salah sih @onedirection_ID. "Iya kak :D" kata kami berdua. Dia senyum seneng, terus balik lagi ke tempatnya. Kayaknya dia adminnya deh.
"Suh, kayaknya gua tau orang itu deh suh...." Maera nunjuk ke cewek make kerudung dan jaket merah kotak-kotak item.
"Siapa emang, mer?"
"Gua juga nggak tau, Suh"
"Yeeh"
Maera nunjuk kontak bbm nya, "Yang ini bukan, sih?" dia ngeliatin dp nya, orang make kerudung, jaket merah kotak2 lagi nyium standing characternya Zayn yang ada di depan Comic Cafe.
"Dih, iya mer! Wakakak!"
"Iya kan suh? Wkwk" kami ngakak. Terus Maera bbm an sama Kak Rizka juga, kelas 3 smp (atau Sma?). Dia juga belum pernah ketemu sama Kak Rizka.
"Temen kamu yang make kemeja biru kotak2 ya?" tanya Kak Rizka ke Maera di bbm. Maera langsung ngeliat ke gua yang pake baju biru.
"Iya kak." bales Maera. Ternyata gua sama Maera, dan kak Rizka juga Kak Tia berdiri deket2an tapi Maera dan Kak Rizka bbm an wkwk. Kak Rizka langsung ketawa ke Maera. "Kamu Maera ya?" tanya Kak Rizka. "Iya kak haha" kak Rizka langsung salaman sama Maera "Salam kenal, ya!" terus dia juga salaman sama gua dan nanya nama. "Yee gimana lu riz,dari tadi kenal bukannya nyapa" kata Kak Tia, wkwk. Terus kami misah lagi.
Setelah pintu Comic Cafe dibuka, kami semua (fans-fans yang udah pada dateng) berbaris rapi. Jadi setelah registrasi, salah satu syarat untuk masuk adalah kami semua mesti potret sendiri2 bareng standing characternya (difotoin gitu sama mas-mas dari majalah Kawanku kayaknya). Lalu kami semua dapet tas yang ada isinya yang berhubungan dengan one direction. Akhirnya ketemu Ratna dan Kak Divana. Dua-duanya cantik bangeeet. Kalo Ratna cantik kayak agak Chinese gitu dan manis. Kak Divana cantik-cantik anak Jakarta gaul gitu, hehe. Kami mengambil tempat duduk di belakang Kak Rizka, Kak Tia dan temennya yang nggak aku tau namanya. Ternyata gua baru tau mereka berdua itu admin @Team1DIndo setelah ngobrol2 gitu.
"Eh eh, liat ini deh" kak Tia nunjukin fotonya di HP lagi meluk Zayn.
"Ohh udah tau" Gua nyautin dengan soktaunya. Gua kira itu fotonya yang sama standing character yang di depan yang ditunjukkin Maera tadi. Tapi ternyata bukan. Itu kan avatar twitternya Kak Tia, dia langsung kaget. "Lho, Riz, dia udah tau, Riz! :o" Kak Tia langsung kaget bilang ke Kak Rizka. Untung Maera nyelak gini, "Iya, tadi dia aku tunjukkin"
"Ooh, hahaha" tawa mereka. "Ntar follow twitter aku ya!" kata Kak Tia. "Usern nya @zayninmybra"
Gua langsung speechless. "Hah? apaan kak?" dan semuanya ngakak denger usern kak Tia.
"Iya tau emang bener username nya itu hahaha" kata Maera nengok ke gua.
Kak Rizka nyautin "Emang dia mah freak ya-_-" katanya, hahaha.
Sembari nunggu semua directioners masuk ke Comic Cafe, kami diputerin lagu2 One Direction dari album Up All Night.
Tadinya gua dan Maera panik, karena daritadi belum ngobrol sama Kak Divana. Baru salam kenal gitu2 aja. Kalo Ratna mah ngobrol terus. "Mer, ajak ngobrol mer..." gua ngebisikin Maera, padahal kak Divana duduk di sebelah gua persis. "Ajak dong suh..lu kan yang duduk sebelahnya"
"Yaah gua kan nggak pernah kenal, kan lu yang kenal.."
"Yaa gapapa, kasian, Suh.." gitu2 terus sampe Ratna yang duduk di sebelah Maera bilang "Ada apaan sih?"
Gua waktu itu bingung banget sumpah mau ngobrolin apa ke Kak Divana. Maera sama Kak Divana bbm an dan mentionan di twitter nggak pernah make bahasa indonesia. Selalu make bahasa Inggris. Soalnya Kak Divana pernah tinggal di luar negeri. Maka itu gua bingung, ngobrolnya mesti pake bahasa Indonesia, apa Inggris? wkwkwk.
Akhirnya acara dimulai dengan video One Thing behind the scene, dan semua langsung teriak. Akhirnya kami ngobrol dengan kak Divana juga, semua dimulai ketika kami mulai menggila. Apalagi Kak Tia. Dia mah udah kayak apaan tau. Oh iya, kalo Kak Tia paling suka banget sama Zayn, Kak Rizka sama Niall, Kak Divana sama Liam, gua sendiri sama Niall, Maera sama Zayn dan Ratna sama Niall dan Zayn. Pokoknyaaaa acara seru banget, kami semua teriak teriak bareng (sampe di perjalanan pulang tenggorokan terasa sakit) karena teriak nggak berenti-berenti, nyanyi karokean bareng dan bahkan sampe ada yang sampe nangis.
Hampir di penghujung acara, kami bikin video bareng, ceritanya kami berdiri semua dan teriak "One Direction! We love you! Please come to Indonesia, NOW!!" terus janjinya kru kawanku sih mau dikasih ke One Directionnya langsung. Awwww, semua langsung teriak kesenengan lagi. Terus kami semua diceritain kru kawanku dan sonymusicindo yang dapet kesempatan otp-an sama one direction. Anjirr, semua langsung pada teriak envy. Terus katanya kalo Liam lagi ngomongin sesuatu yang bikin dia excited, dia langsung ngomong cepet&semangat banget, sampe2 kru W mesti minta diulang "Liam...maaf, boleh diulangi lagi?" wkwk njir. Terus kami semua denger suaranya Harry pas otp an. Pokoknya kalo rencana ke Indonesia, mereka udah punya, tapi kapannya belom tau.
Selesai asik dengerin OTP-annya itu, tiba-tiba ada Gamaliel, Audrey sama Cantika turun dari tangga Comic Cafe. Kami kaget banget Kawanku sampe ngundang mereka karena kami nggak dikasih tau apa-apa tentang itu. Mereka muncul-muncul langsung bawain lagu baru mereka dan wmyb, gotta be you dan one thing. Setelah itu, ada kuis2 gitu dan pemenangnya dapet official 1D tote bag dari kawanku. Terus ada juga yang bawa pulang banner yang ada di panggung, anjirrr-_- pada envy banget. Terus ada 2 directioners yang ditanya "Siapa personil yang paling kamu suka banget dari 1d?" tanya kawanku. Kata dia, "Harry" "Kalo kamu ketemu Harry mau bilang apa?" "Harry, I will marry you!" kata dia, wkwk-_- terus 1 directioner lagi yang ditanya itu Kak Tia, Kak Divana spontan langsung ngakak karena Kak Tia dari tadi hebring banget, sama kayak Maera. "Siapa yang paling kamu suka dari 1d" "ZAYN" kata Kak Tia langsung. "Apa yang kamu katakan kalo kamu ketemu Zayn?" tanpa ragu2 lagi kak Tia langsung jawab, "Zayn, take.me.to.your.home.now." Wahaha semua langsung pada ketawa. Aduuh pokoknya hari itu hari minggu paling asik njirr, paling-paliiiiiiiiiiing!! Pengen ngulang lagi demi, mana dapet cokelat 1D lagi dari kawanku. Terus si Maera baik banget lagi ngebeliin gua cd Up All Night nya 1D. Thank you, Mer.
Tanggal 9 Juni 2012, ada lagi acara nonton bareng DVD Up All Night Tour gitu dehh lupa. Namanya 1DScreening. Dan itu yang ngadain adalah sonymusic indonesia dan @onedirection_id. Maera ngajakin lagi dan gua, tentu aja mau ikut. Kali ini kami janjian sama Ratna di tempat acara janjian (di Blitzmegaplex Grand Indonesia). Pas baris memasuki studio bioskop, kami ketemu lagi sama Kak Tia dan Kak Rizka (surprise, surprise) dan kami ketawa karena, what a coincidence.
Sebelum memasuki studio, kami dikasih popcorn supergede dan soda drink beserta cd Up All Night Tour nya (kalo gak salah). Dan kali ini kami bertiga gabisa duduk deket Kak Tia dan Kak Rizka karena di dalem tiketnya udah ditentuin nomor tempat duduknya. Sambil menunggu acara nonton bareng dimulai, seperti biasa, kami diputerin video clip-video clip lagu biar nggak bosen.
Pas lagi nonton, kami semua teriak-teriakan selama kurang lebih dua jam (selama film itu dimulai lah). Dan di depan tempat duduk gua, ada cowok yang nemenin ceweknya nonton. Wkwk cowok adalah makhluk super langka di tempat ini. Dia cuma masang ekspresi bingung dan gak betah melihat dan mendengar tingkah orang-orang sekelilingnya yang kalang kabut ngegilain 1D.
Selesai nonton, seperti biasa, diadain kuis. Kuisnya banyak. Dan salah satunya ini: kami baru dikasih tau kalau di bawah tempat duduk kami, kalau ada yang beruntung, ada nomornya. Sontak kami semua langsung nunduk ke bawah tempat duduk. Dan gua panik banget!!! di bawah tempat duduk aku ada nomornyaa!!! Maera dan Ratna langsung dorong-dorong gua buat turun ke bawah karena bakal dapetin hadiah. "Ayo, Suh, kalo lu nggak mau, yaudah gua, nih, yang turun!" kata Maera, manas-manasin. Yaa gua nggak mau dong jatah gua diambil Maera, yakan. Akhirnya gua turun dan jalan ke depan layar lebar itu. Setelah berdiri di sana, gua baru menyadari kalau studio blitz ini gede banget dan orangnya banyak banget, apalagi banyak kamera karena ada beberapa berita yang meliput acara ini. Ada dua orang beruntung yang dapetin nomor itu. Kami tukeran nama dan senyum-senyum malu. Mba-mba mc nya langsung bilang. "Oke, jadi mereka yang beruntung ini, bakal dapetin dua banner yang sedari tadi ada di sana" dia menunjuk ke sudut-sudut Blitz, ke arah Banner bergambar cover cd Up All Night Tour, yang kami nggak ngira bakal dijadiin hadiah. Kami cuma kira itu dijadiin sebagai hiasan aja. Gua kaget banget pas itu, serius. Temen sebelah gua yang dapet juga kaget. Dia ketawa sama gua dengan nada ketawa yang sekan bilang, "Serius itu buat kita?"
"Kita apain dulu nih mereka sebelum ngedapetin banner-banner itu?" Tanya si mba mc nya. Fans se-blitz langsung riuh, protes karena mereka mau bannernya juga. Usulan-usulan terdengar untuk mengerjai kami. Dan oke, saat itu gua panik banget.
"Kita suruh mereka nyanyi lagunya One Direction aja, ya?" tanya mba mc nya. Penonton langsung nyorakin "Wuuuuuu...." karena nggak setuju, kayaknya kegampangan aja gitu syaratnya. Tapi kalo buat gua sih udah alhamdulillah. Nggak susah-susah amat syaratnya, hehe.
"Lagu apa, nih?" gua tanya temen sebelah itu.
"WMYB aja yang gampang."
"Yaudah, WMYB."
"Siap?"
"!, 2, 3..." kami ngitung bareng-bareng. "Baby you light up my world like nobody else......"
Selesai nyanyi, kami difoto sama Banner nya, tapi gaboleh dibawa dulu.. karena acara belom selesai. Gua mulai khawatir gimana cara bawa banner itu. Apalagi gua ke situ kan numpang mobilnya Maera, wkwk.
Pas acara selesai, wartawan-wartawan banyak yang ngerubungin fans yang hendak keluar untuk diwawancara. Gua sama Maera ikut nongol dikit. Dan banner gua banyak yang ngerebutin untuk difoto. "Makasih :D" kata orang-orang yang numpang foto dengan banner yang sudah jadi milik gua itu. Setelah selesai, mba-mbanya ngelipet banner dan besi penyangganya untung dibawa pulang. Gua lega ternyata bannernya masih bisa diperkecil dan ditenteng.
Yaa, jadi ini post ngga penting2 amat si, cuma pengen cerita aja wkwk. Udah banyak banget pengalaman karena gua ngefans sama 1D. Malah gua sama Maera sempet berantem karena gua ngebatalin janji mendadak buat nonton 1D. Dan berada di fandom ini membuat gua nambah temen sih... jadi gua nggak pernah nyesel ngefans sama mereka.
